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Boundaries have been at the top of my mind lately. As a parent of three girls under seven, I constantly find myself navigating the boundaries we set in our home – and (perhaps unsurprisingly) how often they get tested.
During a recent team check-in, I shared a particularly challenging moment with one of my daughters. This sparked a conversation about the similarities we see in workplace dynamics.
As we dug deeper into the conversation, we had a really rich discussion about the difference between boundaries and mental rigidity. On one hand, many of us – regardless of our circumstances – work in environments where tasks, demands, and stressors are constantly changing. Our days require a high degree of mental flexibility and agility. We also need to ensure we have clear boundaries to protect what is important to us, as well as our own safety and well-being.
With these concepts seemingly so present in our lives, and a big point of contention inside of workplaces I thought it would be helpful to explore the conversation here.
Rigidity vs. Boundaries
When we discuss boundaries, we can often conflate them with rigidity. However, these are separate concepts that I believe are important to distinguish and understand.
Rigidity: This is an inability to compromise or change someone’s attitude, behaviour, and mindset. This often comes with an expectation and focus on changing or controlling someone else’s behaviour. This firm stance can often emerge from past hurtful experiences. Rigidity is often immovable and reactive.
Boundaries: The definition I find most useful when it comes to boundaries comes from Dr. Becky Kennedy (if you have not come across her work, I highly recommend it for both parenting and leadership). She defines a boundary as something you communicate that you will do, and it doesn’t require the other person to take any action.
I love this definition because it shifts the focus to our own reactions and actions rather than trying to control someone else's behaviour. Boundaries aren't about telling others what they must (or must not) do – they're about expressing what we need to be successful and how we’ll respond in certain situations. The goal with boundaries is to describe your experience rather than placing blame. This subtle shift of speaking from an "I" perspective rather than pointing fingers helps manage relationships constructively and can even build stronger ones.
For example, if a coworker keeps sending you short and disrespectful emails, a boundary might be:
“I am committed and really care about working in a supportive and productive work environment. When I get emails like this from you, I feel frustrated, undervalued and disrespected. These feelings can often get in the way of feeling respected and being productive. I’m hoping it does not have to result in this because I want to have an effective working relationship, but if I continue to receive emails in this tone, I will no longer respond.”
Notice how the focus is on your feelings and actions, not on trying to force the other person to change.
Boundaries, when done well, have room to be flexible as they center your own behaviour, what is important (e.g., the relationship with another person, work output etc.), and they incorporate context, information, people involved, and more. Most importantly, when centring ourselves, we don’t give our own emotional experience over to another person.
Encouraging healthy boundaries fosters both trust and flexibility. It helps teams adapt to changing priorities without feeling overwhelmed or disorganized. Leaders play an important role in framing requests thoughtfully, while employees also need to stay open to change.
Emotional Boundaries and Trust
Trust also plays an important role in navigating boundaries. Oftentimes, employees may only feel comfortable sharing their boundaries once they’ve established trust with their leader, but that requires psychological safety. (For more on psychological safety and building trust with employees, take a look at this article.)
Practical Strategies for Flexibility and Boundary Setting
Balancing boundaries and flexibility requires effort from both leaders and employees. Here’s how:
For Leaders:
Communicate Transparently: Clearly explain why priorities are shifting and how changes align with organizational goals.
Respect Boundaries: Before assigning tasks, ask employees about their capacity.
Build Relationships: Take time to understand team members personally. Knowing their preferences and challenges helps to build trust.
For Employees:
Use “I” Statements: Express your needs and be honest with your feelings. For example, “I feel overwhelmed by my workload” is much more effective than “You’re giving me too much.”
Stay Open to Change: Sometimes flexibility is necessary for team success, even as you maintain boundaries.
Seek Clarity: If an ask feels overwhelming, ask for guidance on prioritization or support with deadlines.
By using these strategies, leaders and employees can create a culture where boundaries and flexibility coexist.
Boundaries and Flexibility Coexist
Boundaries and flexibility aren’t opposing forces – they’re complementary tools for building trust and collaboration. Healthy boundaries protect everyone’s well-being, while flexibility ensures teams can adapt to change.
In today’s workplaces, leaders and employees need to work together to find this balance. Open communication, mutual respect, and a commitment to understanding one another are essential. By redefining boundaries as opportunities for growth, we can build stronger, more resilient teams.